Jun. 15th, 2010

clumsy_optimist: (:/)
Well, it's been a while.

Had not felt like doing much of anything since... the end of January. I think it's good for me to get back on here, right?? I have to be doing something for myself!!

I just don't know if I deserve it.

Crime rates are beginning to rise again since the... apparent downfall of Kira. It's awful. I know I probably shouldn't be posting this on the internet, but I think my coworkers are understanding enough, if they happen to find this (but who wants to read about me? hahah). I just feel that... whoever led to this also lead to the deaths of so many innocent people, now that the crime rate is back up.

I don't know what's more important anymore. Staying loyal to those close to you, or realizing that your small circle of people is really insignificant. Doesn't the latter devalue human life, too?? Even being selfless is selfish, when you get down to it. I try to be a good person, but now I don't know what being a good person even means. It shouldn't be about me anyway.

Heard through the grapevine that Sayu's birthday is coming up, and that Sachiko-san is going to try and do something fun with her... but that Sayu has barely started talking. But at least she is talking, a little. The two of them must be so lonely. I don't want them to be lonely. But I can't justify trying to contact them... I couldn't look at them without running cold, and I'd only be a downer. I don't want to make them more sad than they already are. I hope they have relatives that can make it. I want them to be a family again, and I want to feel a part of that like I used to be, but I think I've lost that right. You'd think at 31 a guy would learn to not be so impulsive, right!?

But if Kira were still around, they'd still be in danger. So... maybe I did the right thing.

You know, being on the anti-Kira side, and all.

I just care about people to the point of a fault. I'm always blinded by the good in people, even if they are not, on the whole, "good." Maybe some bitterness would do me good. I just don't feel it suits me. I've tried it, and it always feels forced. I always end up feeling bad for someone, even though logic tells me some people don't deserve pity (and pity is so presumptuous, isn't it??). But when have I ever paid any damn attention to logic? Ha!

I just shouldn't think about this too much. I'm grabbing dinner with Ide-san tomorrow night. APPARENTLY HE FINALLY IS DATING SOME GIRL. I guess we're all a lot less busy these days, aren't we? See, that's one good thing. Time!! Ah, sweet time. I have to recommend some good date movies for him, hah.
clumsy_optimist: (HEEEE~)
Ugh I sounded like a whiny teenager. I'm in a better mood today. Went out for soba with Ide-san and he told me about this girl, but I couldn't get much of a description because Ide-san is not exactly one for words. She seems nice though?? He didn't have a picture of her, though. :( Well they just started dating, so.


Pfft. Light was so lucky to have his girlfriend flounce around in that stuff all the time (I guess I was lucky too, to have been a witness, HEE) but I hope I'm lucky enough to get a girl that likes to do that.

I don't know how much I improved from whiny teenager last entry. I need to stop looking at this catalog. -_-


clumsy_optimist: (Default)

March 2011

  1234 5

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 21st, 2017 01:47 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios