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Created on 2011-12-21 20:34:49 (#1161341), last updated 2011-12-28 (290 weeks ago)

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Name:clumsy_optimist
Birthdate:Dec 14
I AM CONSTANTLY IN THE PROCESS OF REWORKING THIS PROFILE PLEASE STAND BY.

Name: Touta Matsuda
Canon: Death Note
Mun: [info]honoumiko

MAJOR SPOILERS LIE DIRECTLY AHEAD. etc.

Anime canon, and post-series. Due to the different ending in the anime, he is not aware that Ryuuk was actually the one that killed Light in the end. Was enormously trusting in the past, and it's still his gut instinct to trust people. But now he's got some trust issues, and not in a bitter "the world is a horrible place" way, but more of a "I can't let myself believe in people" way - i.e., he blames it on himself, not the backstabbing nature of others.

Understands the concept of Kira completely, but does not support him. Took a long time for him to come to that conclusion and distinguish the two, because of how well he understands the ideals, and how much he hates conflict. Beginning to come to terms with the fact that conflict is part of being human. Also realizing that supporting Kira is a false and impatient way to advocate peace, and is accepting that he'll likely never see true peace in his lifetime.


Views on other characters:

Soichiro: Looked up to him like a father. He loved his own parents, but never quite clicked with them. In the manga, when faced with the decision of staying with the police or working for L, he followed Soichiro's decision, admitting that his own parents would be upset about it. To go against a family's career wishes without hesitation is quite a bold move, especially in the context of his culture. Soichiro was sort of a life coach - when Matsuda first asked the question about Kira being right or wrong in that meeting, Soichiro dismissed it publicly, but made sure to encourage him later in private. Soichiro was a reminder that yes, business is business, but everyone is human, and that Matsuda was not far off from anyone else.

Light: Unsure, hurt, bittersweet. He knows that it's really all Light's fault when you get right down to it, but because he understood Kira's ideals, he understood why Light did what he did, so he could never fully hate him for it, no matter how many times he may feel spiteful of him. In fact, in his own moments of self-loathing, he hates himself for becoming too attached to people, and admires Light's apparent selflessness and concern for the bigger picture, completely understanding why he put his own family in peril (much like Soichiro when he said he would be unworthy of being a police officer if he let his concern for his daughter interfere with his judgment). He also finds it hard to let go of the Light he knew, even though it was a lie. He admired him, and would still strive to be like what he thought Light was, but he would never want to be what Light truly was. He's usually under control, however, intense conversations with him may trigger flashbacks.

Sayu: Soft spot. Was obviously attracted to her when he saw her that day at the Yagami household, but these days it's more genuine concern. Intensified by the attraction, but genuine. Wants to help/keep company, but has sort of dissociated himself with her as well as Sachiko, simply because it would trigger intense guilt, seeing as he believes he is responsible for Light's death.

Misa: Similar sentiments as those he has about Sayu, but with a greater fear of guilt should he try to help her. Light called out for Misa as he was dying, essentially ratting her out, but everyone was willing to turn a blind eye to it as she had no memories of it. Associating with Misa would mean risking the ability to keep turning a blind eye, as well as risking letting it slip that yes, Light was Kira, and that yes, he killed him. Since Misa supported Kira, there is very little room for forgiveness. He's pushed her out of his mind.

L: Fearful respect. But never quite liked the way he operated. Neither did Soichiro, but Soichiro showed a little less resentment. Back during the Yotsuba arc, he'd get aggravated on Light's behalf, because he felt that L was picking on Light unfairly. Now that he knows the truth, he sees why, but it doesn't take away the fact that L did all this without proof. Any shred of approval from him is wonderful, though. Matsuda was actually doing rather well for a newbie up until L started giving him a hard time. In the first ten or so episodes, he's still naive, but he's on top of things. He was fascinated with L's intelligence, but once L started to openly not take him seriously, that turned into intimidation. He crumbled under the pressure; he was impulsive, and he had a harder time following information because he was too focused on being nervous. Soichiro did not show as much support for Matsuda in front of L, either (likely so that he would not appear to be too soft), so without any sort of validation, Matsuda truly felt that everyone else was miles ahead of him.

Near: Lukewarm. Thought he was almost as ridiculous as L, but after Near explained everything at the end and revealed Light for what he truly was, plainly and simply, Matsuda was somewhat grateful. He needed to hear it straight. By the time they were in communication, Matsuda was a little more bitter, since Soichiro had died, so he was less bothered by the semi-Machiavellian attitude. More on this in his views on...

Mello: Few people consistently, without indecisiveness interfering, make him run cold with hatred - Mello is an exception. Matsuda was the only one on the investigation team that was not against Near testing the Death Note on Mello. Mello was more out for himself than even Light was, played dirtier than Light - yeah. He is seriously not a fan.

Aizawa: Aizawa is one of those hardass superiors that you really can't complain about because they know what they're doing and are immensely respectable. He's certainly not as warm-fuzzy or tolerant as Soichiro, but Matsuda likes and respects him greatly.

Mogi: What is there to say about Mogi? He is a good guy. Because Matsuda loves jumping to conclusions, he's suspicious that he may have developed feelings for Misa after taking care of her. But he'd never say anything; after all, he's only considering what would have happened to him in that situation.

Ide: BROS. ...In all seriousness, they are very close friends. They are on the same level and are equals professionally speaking, but their contrasting demeanors complement each other and they learn a lot from each other. Not to mention Matsuda loves the opportunity to kick the dog and finally be the one poking fun at someone for once, and not the other way around. Who on earth could be so clueless about love at his age, honestly!?!


Family

Parents are in the picture. Supportive and encouraging, they get along rather well. However, they are considerably older, and were never quite on the same page. He is named Touta (桃太) which is just one kanji away from Momotaro (桃太郎), not to mention he chose Taro (太郎) as his alias. It is fairly obvious he was named after Momotaro - the fairy tale hero who was sent from heaven to a childless elderly couple. Matsuda was a miracle baby.

His parents were always caring and loving, but always had an attitude of "oh well, Touta is Touta." Lovingly so, but in a patronizing way that made him feel like they were more of his grandparents than his actual parents, based on what he'd seen with other people growing up. Realizing that gaining approval from his own parents wasn't all that difficult made him feel a bit inadequate, wanting to work harder to earn the approval of someone who cared for him but wanted to help him improve, rather than patting him on the head. Hence... the whole thing with Soichiro.

No siblings. He has a fun, sports-loving cousin that he gets along with quite well.


Social Life/Sexuality

Easygoing, fun guy. Sociable, likes to go out and have fun, but is also quite the TV addict and it's his favorite form of escapism and solitude. A romantic, but not bleeding-heart. Suave in his own dorky way. A bachelor for now; likes to meet girls but has a knack for gravitating towards pretty, celebrity-looking types that end up being shallow. He's heard the "cute, but not hot" excuse many a time. Think Amos from the musical/movie "Chicago." His best course of action would be to wake up out of his starstruck fantasies and end up with a nice, wholesome, playfully mischievous girl-next-door type. like Sayu.

Sexuality... what does it matter, you ask? Loads. He is a touchy-feely person by nature, he is communicative, he is a ball of emotion. How he is touchy-feely and how he communicates and emotes is quite linked to this aspect of his personality. Not to mention, he is the only man in the series ... excitable enough to get a nosebleed. He's quite in touch with (and heavily influenced by) his wants and desires - both sexually and non-sexually. With his tendency to admire and impress, it's important to distinguish between platonic admiration and lust/infatuation. Most of all, pointing out that he probably wouldn't have been capable of shooting Light had he been in love with him. Mancrush is probably the most you could call it, combined with feelings of brotherhood.

Heterosexual. But, he has a rather hilariously massive case of envy when it comes to men, especially explaining his obsession with and admiration of Light. To put it simply: he is a fanboy. Light was the awesome hero of the story, and Matsuda wanted to be that hero. If he were a random person watching the series, he'd totally cosplay him... and seek out Misas and Takadas (he'd probably still love Light from a fictional standpoint - even knowing he's Kira the whole time, it's still just fiction, right?). He never wanted to bang Light. He wanted to bang his girlfriends. and sister. What drove him to do what he did in the end was not romantic betrayal (or defense of a lost love interest a.k.a. Soichiro, for that matter). It was familial betrayal, as well as the fact that the Light he thought he knew was everything he wanted to be, to a level that made the ugly truth an insult to his own moral integrity.

In everyday life, he likes TV, surveillance, taking orders/getting approval, and he is extremely eager to please. As to how that factors into this section... well. Take from that what you will - it may or may not ever become relevant Uh, details are here.>___>


Mental state:

Without a doubt, he has ADHD. And no, I am not trivializing the disorder or making it a cute trait for hilarious randomness - no. It's really not about being distracted by sparkly things and squirrels. It's a pain in the ass, and perfectly explains his slowness in processing information, his impulsiveness, his tendency to blurt out whatever the hell is on his mind, the amount of insecurity that L's attitude triggered compared to how comfortable he was with Soichiro as a sort of "life coach" (as described in both characters' sections above)... trust this mun, this mun knows.

Less-clear conditions: Flashbacks. He has them. He is still relatively the same person - trauma didn't completely transform him, he is just rather jaded, far more mature than he was at the start, and he can be triggered. He saw Soichiro killed in front of him. He was placed in a terrifying situation on 1-28 and snapped. After this, he found Light dead through his own doing, and could not wake him. He sometimes relives the attempt to shake him awake; the sight of his wounds and the feel of his lifeless body was, indeed, traumatizing. Relatedly, he has panic attacks and nightmares. However, he is quite good at shaking them off once they've subsided and simply moving on for the time being. But he does prolong their onset by escapism and distractions.


Alignment:

He teeters between Lawful Neutral and Neutral Good. Usually too unsure of himself to take an active stand on things... mostly because he knows that even though he feels passionate on a lot of issues, he is impulsive and has a tendency to second-guess himself, so it's best to just stick with following the law; after all it is there for a reason and probably knows better than he does. He's sorting himself out, and will eventually settle into Neutral Good. When he's ready. Probably when huge responsibility hits him in the face, like getting married and supporting a family.


Other:

He's anime canon, but played on the manga timeline. So, he was born in 1978, the big showdown was in 2010. This is basically just because this mun enjoys playing in real time.

A few quotes from various threads that may as well be included here:

[Jumping to conclusions so he can relate to people - or better yet, relate others to his own mind. It's possibly his best skill, surpassed only by his marksmanship and his ability to memorize the TV Guide in its entirety.]

[Part of him just wants to be James Bond, all suave and perfect and getting tail while saving the world. Except that would involve deception. That kind of ruins it. Enough to make him want to shoot things.]

[I'm not sure Matsuda even knows what it's like to not feel obligated.]



-

A MySpace-esque survey, taken in character.


"Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It's knowing you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."
- spoken by Atticus Finch, by Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
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